Mercenaries Ballad

by Chris N

Sung to the tune of “Johnny I Hardly Knew Ye” (better known nowadays as “Three German Officers”, “Three Gothling Wannabes” or almost anything else derogatory that comes in threes):

I heard you want to leave the town, harroo, harroo, I heard you want to leave the town, harroo, harroo, I heard you want to leave the town, to play the fool in a steelsilk gown, To go to the Forest where dangers abound, Johnny we hardly knew you!

Adventurers live in a difficult world, harroo, harroo, Adventurers live in a difficult world, harroo, harroo, Adventurers live in a difficult world, the pay's never good and nor are the girls, And the beer just makes you want to hurl, Johnny I hardly knew ye!

Yer off to see the world, you say, harroo, harroo, Yer off to see the world you say, haroo, haroo, Yer off to see the world, you say, to fight for money so far away, But is it really worth the pay, for no-one'll say they knew ye.

You've given a girl a child, you say, have you?, have you? You've given a girl a child, you say, have you?, have you? You've given a girl a child, you say, and now you want to run away, Well then, lad, be on yer way, and be glad she hardly knew ye!

Learn to hold yer head up high, haroo, haroo, Learn to hold yer head up high, haroo, haroo, Learn to hold yer head up high, when to fight and when to fly, Give 'em the finger and spit in their eye, Johnny I hardly knew ye!

The Lords don't care for you and me, harroo, harroo, The Lords don't care for you and me, harroo, haroo, The Lords don't care for you and me, there isn't a thing that they'd rather see, Than for us to never collect our fee, and Johnny I hardly knew ye!

They want you to fight until you die, harroo, harroo, They want you to fight until you die, harroo, harroo, They want you to fight until you die, but just lose a leg or maybe an eye And then see how fast the buggers'll fly, rather than say they knew ye!

But saying all that, my boy, you know, harroo, haroo, But saying all that, my boy, you know, harroo, haroo, But saying all that, my boy, you know, there's nothing in life like the sound of a bow, and cheers of your mates and the screams of the foe, And we'll give you a bloody good funeral!