by Steve J
The last entry in Antonio's 'book of thoughts', found abandoned in his former lodgings:
Three months. Three months I've been running from those I've hurt or offended, whether on purpose or through misguided actions. When I get a rare moment to sit down and think about it, as now, the problem seems completely insurmountable. Recently, I've even taken to considering leaving the lands of the White City for good, although the thought always fills me with fear and anger. Fear at the fact that I will be alone in a world where those who are weak and alone inevitably perish, most often at the hands of people who follow similar careers to mine, although sometimes through more innocent, but no less painful, methods, and anger at the fact that I will have failed.
Those who know me, of whom there are scant few left, will know of my fear of magic and the reaction I have to it. Even those, for the most part, do not know why. The one person I confided in completely is now gone, fallen to the very magic which started my ongoing hatred and distrust. Jacques De Almedia, a singularly noble man amongst the noble Families, to whom only one or two others could compare, a valiant friend who stood with me on the mission to the Port of Glass, and unfortunately never returned. Perhaps if I had not been so quick to abandon him on the docks of that city he might still be alive, and I would consider my life for his a fair trade at this point. This is not the time to confide in anyone else, so I won't, and I only hope that I can continue to work towards my aim of removing the influence of the Glass sorcerors from this world.
I am under no illusions as to whether I am well liked. Jacques, Ryn Coth, and possibly one or two others, although those only tenuously, I could possibly consider friends. Some that I might have considered friends once, even risked my life to save, have now turned against me, and I have already decided that I should not go to Ryn for her help, since it would only result in her being dragged into the problem I am already in, and I would not wish that on her. Although she doesn't know it, she has saved my life on more than one occasion, even in her absence. I would have her know that I owe her more than anyone else. If I decide to leave, I think I will leave all of my possessions that I do not need for her, although getting them to her might prove difficult. I am still able to move around, to some degree, but there are enough people who would see me dead that I would have to ensure that none of them were around, in case they thought to use Ryn to get to me, which again, I could not allow.
Thinking about it, I believe it is now time for me to leave, and I have the perfect destination in mind. I fully expect that this will be found by someone eventually, since I won't be able to take it with me, I will only be able to carry those things I absolutely need, and this book of thoughts is not one of those things. I suppose I should worry about leaving information behind about where I am, in case someone decides that I am now an easy target, having left the City and its protection, but instead I feel nothing. Perhaps someone will come after me, in which case I hope they will have more than just me to compete with, but I don't know for sure. So, to friend and foe alike, I will say that I am going to the North. I have a passing friendship with an entity called Innocence, who I believe to be one of the Dream spirits that inhabit that area. I have always felt peace and happiness in her presence, and I think that this could be a much needed refuge.
Therefore, I say to all of you, if you need me, or wish my counsel or assistance, or indeed if you are among those who seek my death, feel free to come, and I will do my best to give you fair entertainment, whether as friend, companion in arms, or as an opponent. I, perhaps a little foolishly, believe myself to be the equal of most who wander the lands, and feel little fear at the thought of a confrontation with any of those who have accompanied me in the past, although I would hope that they, at least, remember me as something other than an honourless vagabond.
To close, my final act of open defiance against those who would seek to defame me. I am not, nor ever have been, a spy for the Port of Glass, as anyone who was present during my one and only trip to that city can testify. I feel a great sorrow that this is thought of me, but I know that it means I can no longer continue to serve this great city as I did, and that it is not safe for me to wander its streets. Perhaps those who put this rumour out may view this as victory - to them, I say that if you wish final victory, then seek me as I mentioned before. I am sure that you possess skills and abilities that will make my demise certain, or failing that, sufficient numbers to ensure that I have no escape, as such is the method of the coward.
It has been a pleasure serving this city, in all capacities, and the majority of those I met during my time here behaved with honour and courtesy far beyond that which I, the son of a bandit, rightly deserved. I wish you all great success and fortune.
Ryn, best wishes, and I hope that my possessions will prove of great use to you. I regret that I won't be able to leave you my bow, as I feel that it would aid you greatly, but I shall need it on my journey North.
Signed,
Antonio Dilar Former resident of the White City