====== The Merry Wild Bastards ======


by Helen W


Sung to the tune of "The Wild Rover":

ALL: 
We've worked with the Bastards for many a year 
And we've struggled right bravely through trouble and tears 
But now we're returning, with mem'ries in store 
And we never shall play with the Bastards no more!

CHORUS: 
And it's no, nay, never 
(Right up St. Cyril!) 
No nay never, no more 
Shall we play with the Bastards 
No never, no more

KIT: 
"I first met our leader in islands far south: 
Almost got us all killed just by opening his mouth. 
So Jacques bravely decked him, he fell to the floor - 
And I never shall work with Velasquez no more!"

CHORUS

With battles behind us we once more went forth: 
With Vincenzi and Sirius travelled far north. 
The bastard betrayed us, we cut him in four, 
"And he's not coming back from that island no more!"

CHORUS

He came back, of course, and assembled a team: 
Of psychos and sorcerors, crazy and mean. 
They went Chain-Snake hunting for aid in the war: 
"And I swear that I'll never hire D'Artoises no more!"

CHORUS

BILL: 
"I'm working with bastards, it's nothing that new; 
And I'll see what I make of this lunatic crew. 
This Glass mage can look like her sister, I hear... 
Now that's something to give slashfic writers the fear!"

CHORUS

SELENA: 
"'We'll go to the Burned Realm, how could it go wrong?' 
It's not even like we were there all that long. 
The Purgers and Guardians were driving me mad - 
But I didn't expect we'd run into my dad..."

CHORUS

"A challenge!", said Julian, giggling with glee: 
"Well this Band might be tough but they haven't met me! 
These new Northern Lights, that should give them some knocks - 
Hard to Kill, Insubstantial... Fourteen per loc?!"

CHORUS

TOQUELL: 
"My companions are nutters and self-righteous scum, 
And they've murdered me twice just for having some fun. 
But GMs will fear me for what I've in store: 
And I'll roger the plot and the system once more!"

And it's no, nay, never 
(Not even just once!) 
No nay never, no more 
Shall we play with the Bastards 
No never, no more!